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As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.