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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.