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One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
is battling with eyelids
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.