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I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
really vry funny
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.