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I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
“The darndest things.” -kids
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.