Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.