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We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Darn right Iām good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.