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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
I`m tired of things costing money
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.