Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".