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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.