Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.