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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.