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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.