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I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
take me drunk i`m home
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener