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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.