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I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.