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I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Save time. See it my way.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.