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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But Iām skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.