Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.