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I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Why do blurry people always ask me if Iām drunk?
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.