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I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.