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My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even Iām not sure if Iām kidding or not.
Tieam... problem solved
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.