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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.