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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
The covers of this book are too far apart.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!