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People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
i like boobs
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".