Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".