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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
:): The Bipolar smiley face