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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.