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Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.