Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.