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"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.