Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."