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Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
My anger management class pisses me off
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.