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Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO