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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.