Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-