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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.