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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.