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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I`ve given up on giving up.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!