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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
So can we just skip to summer now?
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.