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Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!