Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome