Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.