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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now Iām legally required to pee sitting down.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.