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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.