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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M