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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.