Daily Silly Status

Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.

I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.

Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know

this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao

I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.

Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.

Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.

I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.

Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.

I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!

I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.

Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.

It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."

I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.

I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers