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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I need a partner in wine.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....