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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.