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We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.