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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.