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I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome