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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Marriage is for quitters
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
Youth is wasted on the young.