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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.