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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?