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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.