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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener