Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.