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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!