Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.