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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
Warning: I just get weirder.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!