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Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.