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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
I try not to limit my madness to March.