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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.