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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Personally, I think failure should be an option
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell