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I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
why we do not have a romance class...............
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.