Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.