Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.