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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears