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Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.