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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but Iām the only one that matters.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.