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So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Never trust a skinny chef
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized Iād just put my hoodie on backwards
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.