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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up