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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean & people think Iām joking.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving Iām going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?