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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or Iām about to be murdered.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Iām bored enough to clean.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Iām jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.