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I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.