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It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.