Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!